at first was planned to go melaka for a trip (AGAIN), but due to some reason that i hate the most, i got to cancel it. need not to express my emotions here, because this is about chinese new year, not about that trip. =)
anyway, this year i have done quite many changes in my outlook because i feel that to let go of the past, i can do something to signify as a new start, as i moved forward from the pain.
I thought of perming hair and try dye hair as I have never tried before, but if i do both together it might be too harsh to my hair, so i decided to seperate both and do after 1 month. haiz, i should have colour it first then only perm it, because the colour not really seen at the part that have permed. hmm nvm, try again next time! first time mistake then learn from the mistake lo. XDOh ya, Joshua is 2 1/2 years right now. he is really a boy that makes me love and sometimes frustrated with him, hahah! He can talk almost everything and we can have complete conversations. he already know how to count, capital letters and small letters, he can read them all and even spell it out. he is really a smart boy, God loved him very very much as he love God so much, every morning do devotional with his dad, never fails.
God is amazing, truly amazing! His timing is just right at the time. every time my car broke down or somebody did something to my car, it didnt happen when i'm alone or happened to me directly. He know that i will be panic and dont know what to do. thats why He sent me angels in human form, my best friends to help me. <3
done with all those things that can be seen, now its turn things that unseen, my emotional. I promised God i got to let go of the past, I told Him that i make a decision and im willing to let it go. no more hatred, no more unwillingness, no more feeling over small matters about them, no more looking at their actions, no more, no more.
God always give me assurance when i have made a decision, last saturday, pyp held a talk for Forgiveness, then on the next day, my pastor talked about anger in church morning sermon, its just in timing and God answering to my decision. so i will sincerely pray that God will strengthen me to do this.
"When a deep injury is done to us, we will never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
Its true, I will never recover if i did not forgive him who did that to me. sometimes, I don't want to forgive is because i do not want to accept that it has happened. but what had done is done, i dont have a time machine to go back in time and fixed it until what it seems perfect to me. so, to move forward, i got to let it go. only by letting go of the pain and hurt, then i can have more space in my heart to accept a new unknown future from God.
Thank you God for answering my prayer and assure me that what i have decided is achievable.
Give thanks with a grateful heart.
