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a reply for you.

girl, i didnt angry with you, so no need to say sorry and ask for forgiveness.
these years, i know you also put a lot of patient in me.
since im a person who say something without thinking of the consequences.
even when im just joking, but people dunno that im joking.
not only you felt this, even bin also tell me that.
sometimes i said something that hurts him.
but yesterday after he read your blog, he message me through msn.
"there are times u say thing that hurt me a lot. do u really mean that?"
that time only i realise, im such a person.
but i didnt mean anything to harm anyone.
this is me, but i will try to change.
what you said, is a mirror, for me to see my self.
this is what bin told me yesterday.

yes. i should reflect about myself.
bin said, i seems putting you down all these while.
yes, i saw that, now i know im such a bad person.

im touched when i read your post.
and im also sorry that make you go through this.
no need to ask for forgiveness.
because i never angry with you.
but i angry with myself.

no need to sorry about so many things.
it will just make me more and more guilty.
i didnt say that i cried when i was typing that message.
but you still know it.
bacause you are my best friend.
you know me.
you know that im a person will cry easily.
but dun feel sorry for that.
because i cry not bacause you hurt me. but is because i hurt you.
for so many times.

anyway, thanks for the reply.

for you.

girl, i didnt know that you hate me that much.
but im here to declare something.

first,about the monitor.
yes i admit i do said that.
but that time i didnt ask you must buy that one.
i do told you to think properly because that is a china brand,cant guarantee to be good.
yet,you said i think mine is all good or the best. but you didnt see my "not good" things.
my comp spoiled many times. more than you.
my monitor also spoiled. it happen long time before yours.

next, the phone thing.
im sorry that it bring such result.
my little member, who is form 1 this year.
her mum brought her a new w580 last november.
then, this year before cny. her dad said wanna buy her a nokia new music phone.
so, she put a big title on msn, said that she wanna sell off her w580.
then i think about you.
so i ask her the price, then i straight away sms you.
after few days, you said about your cousin.
i didnt said for sure it is ap or anything. i just ask, whether is or not,and it have that possibility.
when you keep ask me, i also keep ask that girl.
but after cny, she told me that her mum dun allow her to change phone.
because it is still new.
she is just a form 1 student, a little girl.
is my fault to ask you.
is my fault to kepo about that phone.
all these caused the bargain issue. the ap phone issue. the arguement between you and your sis.
im so sorry about that.

3rd. the cheat thing.
i wan to tell you.
i said i dun like to play cheat like you.
but i didnt say "Just exactly how you are in your real life." and "Also like you in real life la..."
i said i wont play cheat when i play game, not like you.
GAME, not real life.
if you think i said that, then i got nothing to say.
im sure i didnt say REAL LIFE, because in my memory, you didnt play "cheat" in your daily life.
i dunno why you will say i said that. but if you think i have said that. then i will accept it.
bacause is my fault to hurt you at first.
is my fault to give you bad impression that im a person who think my things is always the best.

lastly about the fairer issue.
i admit i do say u stay at home. because that time u havent start your 2nd job yet.
yes i admit i do take our hands n compare.
but i didnt say "at least fairer than me."
the compare is not mean to say that you should be fairer.
im become darker day by day.
since i always walk in the sun without umbrella.
is me who lazy to take umbrella.
but i swear i didnt said at least fairer than me.
maybe i said other thing at that time.
i dunno. because i dun remember the exact dialog.
again, im sorry i make you feel that.

there are too many times i hurt you but i dunno.
this is who i am.
i am who i was during secondary school.
i do changed for a period.
that is when i having a non christian bf.
when i go into a new environment.
no friends around.
felt lonely all the way.
that time im lost.
i broken my faith, i broken the relationship between me and God.
but in june 2007, i start to have new life.
same with you. in the camp. i felt God's calling.
that is the period i cant accept myself n God.
because i left God. but He still love me and call me back to Him.
this is just a short sharring about my recent life.

till here, i realise our relationship is broken.

im sorry i lecture you. be strict with you.
i do not understand what you feel as a very very young christian.
but what i said, is my way to show my love as a sister in christ.
"who ever love God must also love his brother" 1 john 4:21b
i know you dun like me to say about your believes.
but for me, you choose to believe what you feel you want to believe.
Christianity is not as easy as you think.
i know what i told you is useless.
because you wont listen to me.
Bible tell me that i should stop judge about what you want or dun wan to believe.
"who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stand or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." romans 14:4
"You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother?For we will all stand before God's judgement seat." romans 14:10
so now i will stop judge you on what you doing.
but i just hope the word of God will lead you. "for the Lord is able to make him stand."

the message behind 1 corinthians chapter 13.
Love is long suffering.
Love you as my best friend.
Love you as my sister in christ.
i should suffer in trials.
satan's work is begin to success in among us.
but Jesus said,"but he who stand firm to the end will be saved." matt 24:13
so we have to stand firm. dun let satan destroy us.

just like in your blog, you feel im annoying.
becuase i keep 'nyam cham' you about christian life style.
but what i told you is from the bible.
Bible gave us command. about our life style, about how to pray, about everything. about things happen is our daily life. about trials.
manytimes we cant just look at the surface of that verse.
but the hidden meaning, the hidden message.

i wont interupt your life style anymore.
i wont comment what u should do or what you should not do.
but i know one day, God will make you a true christian.
God will make you have christian life style.
God will let you follow His command day by day. little by little.

from now on i will keep my mouth shut.
i dunno whether this is correct or not.
i dunno what God want me to do.
but i know God will tell me.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 corinthians 4:18
now what i seen is only your life style.
is still involve with those we should not have related to. like tarot.
but what is unseen is your faith. your Love. your trust. your believe in God.