Lost

I am lost.
Lost in the mist of loneliness.
I dunno what I feeling right now.
It is so so so confused, so messy.
Should i say myself is emo-ing?
I am. Maybe.

Sunday morning suppose to be a bright shining perfect sunday, because it was Easter Day.
but because of me, forgot about adding a plastic bag, make my sunday to be a emo sunday.
first time, i felt that he is so so so angry, because of my fault, his car got dirty, carpet got wet.
and that is the first time, he shout at me on the phone.
I dunno what i can do, i just can say sorry.

Sorry that i am a stupid person.
Sorry that you have a stupid girlfriend.
sorry that i am not caring enough.
Sorry that i am not as useful as your car.
Sorry that i blame myself.
Sorry for everything.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
we never talk to each other on phone.
and our sms is less than 20 in total.
it break our almost 2 year's record.


I felt hurt, i felt lonely.
I felt emptyness.

While i am on the journey of walking to school, my eyes were searching...
hope i can found a Nissan Sentra with a bicycle rack on top, I just hope to see him.
Everytime i saw a Nissan Sentra, my heart will suddenly feel like poke by a knife.
but after that, it was full of dissapointment.

I wan to be strong, i dun wan to be his burden.
i know that his work stress him a lot, so i try not to disturb him.

i dunno what i am writing, all of them doesnt related to each other.....
i just wan to express my feeling, i wan to stop writing, i wan to stop thinking.
coz i wan to stop crying.

anyone who read this post, if u know who is the him in this passage, pls do not tell him about this.
coz he wont read my blog, so i can write it out here, so pls dun let him know.
thank you so much!