Mum

Mum,

If i died young, this is the message that i left for you, i know you cant understand, but i know there will be people read this to you and translate it to you.

Ma, no matter how many times you throw my things away before you get my agreement; no matter how hard you scold me about the mindset that you have; no matter how many times you slap me on my face. it doesnt matter, you are still my mother.

again and again, i keep on repeating about the work that God has given to me, it might be very very small, and it doesnt even really count as 'a matter' in your eyes. but again and again i beg you, dont assume yuke bin is the reason that i choose to serve there, i told you for many many times, it may be yes for previously, but not now, not anymore. he is not a reason for me to be there every saturday since year 2010. i had let go of it, why cant you?

Ma, the reason i be there is i can see myself grow and learn to love people. not because of the broken bgr that u thought. i have told you for so many times, but yet, you still insisted it is. i am glad that i was born in a Christian family, and i also thank God for the things that He tought me through CMC throughout the years. i believe He has prepared me for a greater purpose, why cant you stand up and look a bit further and have a little faith?

there are so many things that i told you to make you understand, but everytime you will end up shouted at me and say i abondoned you. i am trying not to, because i know you only have 1 child, which is me. i did not forget that, i am trying my best to do things that i can with the ability that i have, but you demands me to follow exactly every single word you said, when i choose not to obey, then you will start to scold me and angry at me.

Ma, i just want to let you know, whatever i do there is not for the sake of my own self or some other reasons that you thought of. i do it because of God, for His people. i am just a tiny worker that God willing to use. everytime you scold me about car, you said i fetch other people more than i fetch you, and you also said if dad didnt pay the deposit, how can i get the car. when i answer you that this car is a gift from God, and if God didnt allow me to have one, then anyhow i wont get it. but you wasnt agree with me. you think i am stupid, wasted petrol money to fetch people without asking back money. yes i am that stupid, i believe God gave me enough grace to serve His people.

I am sorry that i did not follow everything that you said; i am sorry that i became a rebellion daughter in your eyes; i am sorry that i did not listen to you about which church i should go to; i am sorry that i broke your heart when i tell you i choose there instead of go back to CMC; i am so sorry for everything.


your daughter,
pei wen