Its a lie

Its been months since i used english to express myself. =p


I tried my best to avoid myself updating blog when i having moody mood, so that i wont simply say things that i am not suppose to say. but, how? its simple, just click the X after i click the 'new post'.

seriously, i am actually down for a few days. especially when come to this extend that i need to mentor my members on BGR while i myself are in such condition. my mind started to fight like having a war since last saturday, when David annouce next 2 weeks P1 will be on BGR topic. a lot of things came in my mind, and they troubling me for many days.

i was wondering, what should i share during mentor? i did not set a good example for them in this topic, what should i tell them? how am i suppose to answer their questions when i myself failed in this topic? who am i to tell them to act in love while i myself hating them who betrayed me? should i tell them what should they do while i failed in doing it?

when i start to question myself, memories came back. my mind keep flashing back everything, happy sad joy sorrow etc etc. tuesday evening, when i am on my way home, i heard a song where i loved the most. that song were randomly played by my modulator, its 'can i have this dance' from high school musical 3. just when it reached the chorus, my tears started to drop. why? its because my mind flashed back an incident just happened on 4 months ago. after that, my tear drop even more when i recall what Kayson told me during the time when i share with him about that incident. Kayson said, its a lie.

Throughout the song, this phase 'its a lie' kept repeating again and again. at that point of time, i just take out my phone, and i started to search for Kayson's name, i was so so so tempted to call him and cry out my stress. but, somehow, i did not make that call, because i know, i shouldnt pull other people into my own problem.

sigh, my heart told me to run, run away to set myself free from all these chains.



God, what's on your mind?