它不停地快转

时间过得好快！
在华校任教已一个多月了。

一直被调动搞到我开始厌烦，
才刚上手的事情又得交给别人，
然后又要开始适应新的东西。

每天要驾2个多小时的车程，
确实累人啊！

可是埋怨后又怎样？
还不是要这样生活下去。

有时候常想，
为何有些人不愁吃不愁穿，
而我却在为下一餐担忧。

可是想过又怎样？
生活还是一样继续。

Lazyness

最近，我变得很懒。
常常以生活上的变化为藉口，而不想去做灵修。
想起之前你刚刚去别州念书的时候，都是我每天sms灵修给你。
可是现在都是你先sms给我，让我越来越惭愧。

我们说好要交换灵修的，可是我常常都没有sms我的灵修给你。
虽然我懒了下来，不过你还是坚持每天都寄给我。
谢谢你，没有因为我懒了而不理我。

每当收到你的灵修，心里总有暖暖的感觉。
感谢上帝让我们彼此有这样的习惯，常常都是你在鼓励我，叫我不要太担心这个那个的。
虽然我们在见面的时候，都很少当面讲话，但是私底下的我们却每天都在交谈。
也许是我们都常常避开对方的眼光，严格来说，是我担心自己的眼神对向你的眼神。
担心被你看穿，担心你以为我期待些什么。
其实我不期待什么，只想保持这样的状况，因为我害怕改变。

良师

这是我们离开校园的第七个年头。

时间过得好快好快。

友情的保质期限，往往建立在我们对他人的真心。

2012年，是我们友谊的第十二周年。

照片里有一位对我们都很重要的老师。

我们都称她为Pn.Lee，她是我们的英文老师。

同时，她也是课外活动主任。

这一位老师，是我在中学时期启蒙我的良师。

中学时期，我常常到她的办公室里转来转去。

常常替她打理课外活动的事宜，报告来报告去的忙得头昏脑胀。

不过，这位良师给了我很多的机会去站在人前。

她看见我埋藏着的一面，并鼓励我要表现自己。

所以，就因为她，我在周会时站上了讲台，指挥。

整个礼堂的人都望着我，口缓缓地在动。

唱着他们不想唱的国歌州歌，心里在想，这人在做啥？

其实当时的我很害怕，几百对眼睛望着我，身边站着又的是校长老师。

很压力的。

就这样，像我这样的傻子，每个星期一就站在讲台上把手挥来挥去。

就这样过了两年。

这个可贵的经验，是来自这位可爱的老师。

从新 · 从心

我知道。

我开始喜欢你。

只是，我不愿意承认。

我们之间有很大的距离，可是偏偏我们却在言语间靠得那么近。

每天早上，总会打开那本书，用手机拍了一页，写上简单的问候，再搜寻你的名字，把信息寄出，然后傻傻地期待你的回复，并再多聊几句。就这样断断续续的，持续快两年了。上个星期，你忽然说你拿了一本书，我顿然失望了一下，想象着每天早上的习惯要被暂停，心里有些不好受。可是在谈话之间，我们竟然决定要交换灵修,这实在是出乎我意料之外。昨天早上八点收到你的灵修，让我不经意地从心里笑出来，这样的感觉好温暖。最重要的是，我知道你是一个很稳重的人,所以我会信赖你，依赖你对于我的关怀。期待你在我上线的时候给我一个笑脸，然后听我说一大堆新奇的事,听我投诉我不开心的事，然后你总是会告诉我，不要担心啦。

太多太多了。

生命的动力

惭愧自己没有努力的去追求,错失了很多学习的机会。
立下心志，要扎根于真理，这样才可以让神使用。

这一年，将会是全新的经历。
新的挑战，新的挣扎。
只能将这一切都仰望交托，唯有袮是我继续下去的动力。
信靠袮能祝福我手所做的工，让更多的人蒙恩蒙福。
信靠袮会让我们成长，坚信袮救恩的福音。

我-坚-信。


最近，某人几乎每天都主动找我聊天。
让我常常想歪一边。  XD
不想期望些什么，只能继续把这样的心动藏在心底。
持续的心动，似乎在告诉我我应该允许自己进入喜欢的阶段。
不过，我会继续地祷告。
如果不是祂的旨意，我不会让自己陷入不会有结果的局面。
因为我曾经不听祂的话而让自己遍体鳞伤。
这样的教训，一次就足够了。

新年蒙恩 Blessed Chinese New Year

Yeah, CNY is just around the corner, its a time for reunion.

at first was planned to go melaka for a trip (AGAIN), but due to some reason that i hate the most, i got to cancel it. need not to express my emotions here, because this is about chinese new year, not about that trip. =)

anyway, this year i have done quite many changes in my outlook because i feel that to let go of the past, i can do something to signify as a new start, as i moved forward from the pain.

I thought of perming hair and try dye hair as I have never tried before, but if i do both together it might be too harsh to my hair, so i decided to seperate both and do after 1 month. haiz, i should have colour it first then only perm it, because the colour not really seen at the part that have permed. hmm nvm, try again next time! first time mistake then learn from the mistake lo. XD

Oh ya, Joshua is 2 1/2 years right now. he is really a boy that makes me love and sometimes frustrated with him, hahah! He can talk almost everything and we can have complete conversations. he already know how to count, capital letters and small letters, he can read them all and even spell it out. he is really a smart boy, God loved him very very much as he love God so much, every morning do devotional with his dad, never fails.


God is amazing, truly amazing! His timing is just right at the time. every time my car broke down or somebody did something to my car, it didnt happen when i'm alone or happened to me directly. He know that i will be panic and dont know what to do. thats why He sent me angels in human form, my best friends to help me. <3

done with all those things that can be seen, now its turn things that unseen, my emotional. I promised God i got to let go of the past, I told Him that i make a decision and im willing to let it go. no more hatred, no more unwillingness, no more feeling over small matters about them, no more looking at their actions, no more, no more.

God always give me assurance when i have made a decision, last saturday, pyp held a talk for Forgiveness, then on the next day, my pastor talked about anger in church morning sermon, its just in timing and God answering to my decision. so i will sincerely pray that God will strengthen me to do this.

"When a deep injury is done to us, we will never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

Its true, I will never recover if i did not forgive him who did that to me. sometimes, I don't want to forgive is because i do not want to accept that it has happened. but what had done is done, i dont have a time machine to go back in time and fixed it until what it seems perfect to me. so, to move forward, i got to let it go. only by letting go of the pain and hurt, then i can have more space in my heart to accept a new unknown future from God.

Thank you God for answering my prayer and assure me that what i have decided is achievable. 

Give thanks with a grateful heart.