方向在哪？

很多话憋在心里，想说可是不知怎么说。
怎办？

有时候，一阵阵的心痛，应该是妒嫉吧！

上帝啊！ 带我走吧！！！
请为我开一条路，让我可以向前走吧！

离开我在意的友情，离开厌恶的感情，离开愧疚的亲情。

我不想面对。
我想逃。

现在的我，已经不晓得如何释放正能量给身边的人。
身边的人对我越来越烦躁。
我真得很想离开一阵子，沉淀下来，寻找方向。

so what?

i feel that im a weird person.

there are many things that happened in my daily life,
and there are only few people that i wanted to share them with.

sometimes, people just dont buy your heart that wanted to share.
people just dont care....
so? the conclusion?
some people just dont love you as how you loved them.

we cant ask other people to give us what we want but not what they wanted to give...
love and dont ask for return.
even felt discouraged also doesnt matter.
jus do what i can but not ask from others.

maybe some people are not willing to be involved in other people's life...
who knows?
i guessed its all my own problems.
yea i discouraged myself.
what to do?
a silly people like me.

My Dearest

How many person in this world can really know you? besides God and your parent.
yea, my mum know me well. she knew what im thinking when i have certain actions or words.
but, there are a lot of things that she dont know about me.
coz she get into emotions too easily.

well, im glad that God had sent me 4 angels.
they listened to me; they watched me cried; they heard all my emo words; they encouraged me.
dears, do you know today i was so so so wanted to leave here?
i find myself keep falling into satan's trap that makes me heartache.

Thanks for keep encouraging me all these while, four of you.

I can see God's love to me thru four of you, that God did not give up on me.
thats why He sent you all to me, to help me to go through this road of pain.

I wanted to go away, go far far away. to a place where have zero memories between me and him.
gone far far away, delete them in my contacts, friends list etc etc.

if i ever had a chance to do so,
will you guys support me?
will you all still love me as you used to?

i loved God, so i do not know how to live without Him even at the times i doubt about Him.
i loved Jesus, so i also don't know how to hold on to the faith if i run away from Him.
so do you all,
I loved you all, so i do not know how to leave this place.

i have a question for myself, am i hate them more than i love you all? or i love you all more than i hate them?
God sent me angels, is it worth to leave all my angels, to start a new life?

im sure people will tell me, God knows the best.
yea i believe, that is what i have been believing from the beginning.
i believe He want me to learn something.

keep me in your prayers, my dearest.
leave the land with memories or stay in it.
God knows the best.
He has a plan,
pray for me that i could be sensitive enough to know the plan at His timing.

I am not afraid to start anew in other place,
but im going to miss u all like crazy if i really go away and work at other places.
I always thank God for my angels, thanks for loving me as i am.

I love you, my angels.

心动

终于看了这部电影。

只有三个字想说，

我哭了。

文字

好久没有写东西了。
发现我自己的文字生涩了许多。
优雅的文字，似乎都离我三万里之远了。

不过，今天看见我大学同学的一篇博客。
她说，她其实很幸福。

于是，这些美丽的文字引起了我对幸福的遐想。

幸福是什么？

幸福，其实很简单的。

只需要两个字：知足。

对我而言，无论你如何天花乱坠般地形容什么是幸福；
到最后，其实就只是知足。

美丽的背后总有残酷的一面；幸福也是如此。
不一定失而复得就是幸福；
不一定山珍海味才是幸福；
不一定帅哥美女才算幸福。

只要不继续困在个人永无止境的欲望里面，
就可以对此时此刻所拥有的东西而知足。

把自己抽离，让上帝去填补。
这样，就会发现，上帝给的，总是最好的。

曾经说好的梦想呢？

这是我说再见的方式。

总结我们的故事， 900多的日子的故事。
其实，我恨你，我恨你对我如此残酷；我讨厌你的多情；我厌恶你同时拥有几个女人。

我说了，这是我说再见的方式。这个故事，已经结束了。
所以，就以这样的方式让它结束。
因此，我默认，你只是我生命里的其中一环；也是上帝要我学习的功课。

一个人生里面重要的功课。

这是我们第一张合照。2007

地点：Times Square 欢喜地

这是我们最喜欢的合照。2008

地点：Mid Valley Jusco 更衣室外面

地点：SS13 - 2008 新年

地点：云顶 Outdoor Theme Park 2008

在等待老爷车的到来，无聊时所拍的照片。

这是我们曾经相爱的证据。

看清楚，曾经。
所以现在已不复存在了。

地点：宿舍房间 2007

这是我们第一次一起参加婚礼晚宴。


地点: Gohtong Jaya - Family Camp 2008 - ShangHai Night


地点：Eagle Ranch - Camp Transformation 2008
我们曾经熬夜弄好7仔的头盔；
满手棉花浆糊；
熬夜缝衣服时被针刺到手指等等等等。
这是回忆。


地点: Petra Gospel Center
2009 Benaiah's Sketch
这是我们扮演夫妻的角色。
第一次，也是最后一次。

地点：Mid Valley 2009

我的21岁生日。

我没有得到我期待的惊喜。

是我的遗憾，也是我自己自找的。

因为我在你身上的有太多的期待。

你安排的不多，可是谢谢你曾经用心地想安排些什么。

到最后，是我们身边的朋友安排的。

地点：金马伦 2009

新年与家人出游时拍的。

地点：云顶 Theme Park 2008

这是我们第一次单独出门游玩。
有很多有趣的回忆。
都只是回忆了。


事件：Song Fest 7 - 2009
谢谢有你的鼓励和陪伴。
谢谢有你跟我一起分享这一份喜悦。
谢谢你在我缺乏信心的时候，对我说的话。
谢谢你当时的真心。

地点：Full House 牛车水 2009

当时我们拍了很多白痴的照片，
这张是比较正常的。


地点：Butterfly Park 金马伦　2009 - Company Trip


地点：Butterfly Park 金马伦　2009 - Company Trip

地点：KLCC - Aquaria 2009
这一张应该是我们最后几张合照了。

地点：Sungai Gabai - Benaiah Outing 2009
当时的你，脚趾受伤。

地点：Baskin Robbin Queen's Park - 31/10/2009
这是我们最后一次一起吃冰淇淋了。

十个月了，时间过得真的很快。

快得令我害怕，心慌。

没有你的日子，刚开始的时候真得很不好过。

其一，不舍；其二，不甘；其三，愤怒。

不舍的是两年半悉心经营的感情宣告结束。

不甘的是你竟然在超短的时间内开始新恋情。

愤怒的是你对我不公平的对待。

现在，觉得自己很笨，你已经向前走了十个月。

而我却在原地踏步，停留在十个月以前。

我们，已经有了十个月的距离。

所以，我决定要停止原地踏步。

这一篇文章，是我向前走的第一步。

把过去的归纳在一起，打包然后锁在心底。

这样，我才可以空出我的心，迎接未来要面对的事情。

再见了，我们曾经说好的梦想，就让它停留在当下。

成为回忆的养分，为回忆作最后的滋养。

过去的让它过去，留恋也无法挽留些什么。

请原谅我无法祝福你。

即使到了你结婚的那一天。

我也无法给你祝福。

所以，一切有关你人生的重大事件，我，都会缺席。

你，我，结束了。

成了这故事的句点。

改变

我想烫卷发,你们说好吗？？

Ugly Truth

What a sinful mankind!!

Human always fail, when we think we could do things on our own.
Human tend to follow our own desire, when we think its ok.
Human seldom remember God's presence is everywhere, when we are about to do something we desire to.

I have heard so many true stories from Christians around me....

Lord, Im sorry Lord, I finally know how much hurt i have gave You previously.
Im really sorry, and thank you for not leaving me for my sins, but yet You still love me very much.
Please use me Lord, I have seen the vision that You showing me.
Use me as You will.

People, please remember our God before we doing something which following our own desire.
Dont be like me, hurt Him over and over again in years.
when desire fate away, all we left is just regretness.

Girls, protect yourself, do not follow the world.
its dangerous and it doesnt even helpful to us.
when temptation comes, pray to God and run away.
dont fall in it again and again.
we are not only hurting ourselves, but we are hurting our dearest God too.

A memorable trip~

I like this pic!

we took this at a field behind the beach..
to be honest, i love going out trip with u guys...
lets have another round soon ok?
P.S: i already start planning!! =)


The most 'lady' picture that I had.. @.@
just simply because of the hat! ahahha


this pic is just so nice right?
of course not me. but the feeling and the overall for this pic...
Rou took this for me,
and i love this pic a lot!

I love to sing...

Dear Aijalonians...

This song fest would not be a wonderful one if any of you were missing..

truly its a joy for us to rejoice in Him,

but lets remember that we sing for the Lord,

not for ourselves...

Congratulations to all Aijalonians,

thanks for all your HEARTS that willing to sing,

thanks for the TIME that you willing to spend with us,

thanks for using the WONDERFUL voice that God gave us...

This year, im actually very blessed with my voice...

I didnt stop eating spicy food;

I didnt stop eating cold desserts;

I didnt purposely avoid eating durian.

but yet, i dont have sore throat at all...

=)

Thank You Lord~

New header

Thank you my darling, Rou~

=)

i always love your artwork...

Graduation 22082010

WE MADE IT! OPS... HAHHA

I personally love this pic very very much~

My parent..

A gift from Nic~

this is fron Henri~

Chinese Studies Production ><

my hair is so messy, because i took away the mortar board d... like soh poh..

Thanks for coming... <3>

My dear,

Thanks for the flowers~

Thanks for coming~

Thanks for walking around with me under the hot sun~

Thanks for helping me take picture~

MUACKS!!

I think thats enough lah~~

too many pictures d..

lazy to upload so many of them~~

go to my facebook and check out the photos la~

PS: not much words about the convo, pictures can tell most of the things..

PPS: Thanks to Natalie, she is the one who encourage me to attend and helped me to solve my problem so that i could make it. Thanks~ Love ya!

weakness

Family is my weakness, the struggle.

Lord, what do You want me to do?
please show me the way Lord,
discipline me Lord,
to seek You.
Amen.

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know I am God."

this isnt easy for a human being to do it every single minute.

...

At least, i find that it is not easy at all.

...

We tend to do things in our own way;

make decisions based on our own opinion;
talk to other people using our own words.

but yet,

we should have ask the guidence and wisdom from God,

before we do anything.

...

yes, we all know this is the correct way.

but, how many people will acknowledge God before doing anything?

i dont know, but i know there are people out there is doing this way.

but for me, i always tend to forgot about this.

doing things by my own way.

...

anyway, again its God's grace that holds me along the journey of life.

this grace, is too beautiful.

im actually not worthy of this grace.

but God didnt left me behind.

He has chosen me to be His child,

so He gave me His mercies.

yet, I always taken it for granted.

...

Lord, thanks for everything.

please forgive me.

i will learn to put down my own pride.

honour You with everything You gave me.

use me Lord, use me as you will.

...

"Take my five loaves and two fishes, do with it as You will.

I surrender.

Take my fear, my inhibitions; all my burdens my ambitions.

You can use it all.....

No gift is too small."

低头沉思

这几天，太多太多的东西在我的脑海里盘旋。

其实，我很佩服yen teng 和 samantha的坚强。

我在想，如果这几天的主角是我从前的他，我不知道我会变得怎样。

因此，纵然面对他的时候，心脏还会有一阵阵的抽痛；

看见他和她在一起的样子，我会鼻头一酸地别过脸，心脏就像有一把利刀刺进来。

可是，jen ruw的事情让我反思，既然他已选择了她，我早已烟消云散。

所以，我宁愿看着他们甜甜蜜蜜地在一起，我也不愿意这样的事情发生在他的身上。

因为，即使心有多痛，至少我还可以看到他笑，听到他的声音。

如果这一些消失了，我不知道我自己，会变得怎样。

此外，我相信很多人都会想这一个问题，如果一天我死了，别人会记得我什么？

我一向都不是个很有自信的人，当我想到这个问题，我的脑海里就出现，

“应该会很少人会记得我。”

也许吧！这么不起眼的我，应该不会有多少个人会记得我。

最后，我听见上帝细微的声音，

轻轻地在我耳边响起。

“别人不记得你，没关系。

我一定会记得你。”

耶稣，谢谢你的安慰。