Its past

my birthday is past.
now is 30 apr 2008 1am.

my 20th birthday is the worst birthday for these 20 years.
1-exam period
2-no celebration
3-alone

whole day, i didnt talk, didnt smile..
i tried not to remember it was my birthday..
but its hard.

i know there are people planning to celebrate with me later.
but the meaning had lost....

till 11pm.. still got people wish me happy birthday..
thanks to my cousins.. they called me..
sing birthday song to me on the phone...
im so touch.. my first bday song..

till 11.45pm.. bin came..
he brought me ice cream.. but i didnt eat it..

dear, i know u r trying to comfort me..
but the depression i face on the whole day, not something that can easily forget..
you dun understand.. you wont understand...
although you cant understand what im facing...
i thank you you came. at the last 15 minutes.
accompany me go through the last 15 minutes..
borrowed me your shoulder..
the bday song u sang..
n the other songs that u trying to comfort me..
thank you.
i know u didnt read my blog, but still, i have to say thank you.

birthday, should be happy, but i didnt feel any happiness.
only lonely, stress, tears.

i dunno how long i will be like this..
i dunno what can make me smile again..
dear readers, pls pray for me, ask God to take away my depression. fill me with joy.
so that i can forget about my bday, n looking forward to the birthday that will not be in exam period.

last 2 hours of my bday

now is 9.48pm.
2 more hours..
my bday will end..
29 apr 2008 will become the history already..
today is all lonely.. whole day i lock my self in the room..
surf net, revision, sleep, lunch n dinner. all inside my room.
so funny right?? a birthday without people around.
im trying hard to control my sadness. i dun wan to cry.
although no birthday cake, no sing birthday song, no blow candles, no one hold my hands n tell me happy birthday...
but...
i have phone call birthday wishes from James, my dad, my bro n gu ma.
i have sms bday wishes from many ppl...
i have friendster wishes from many ppl..
i have msn wishes..
i have blog wishes..
i have 2 face to face wishes.. my mum n hui min...



too many wishes..... is worth enough to replace the birthday cake n candles.


thanks to everyone who wish me happy birthday..
but i have to say sorry to everyone..
on 29 apr 2008, im not happy at all.
sorry to disappoint those who wish me..

sorry....

down.

today is the first day i step into 20th.
i should be happy right??
i have so many presents n wishes..
but i dunno why i still so down, i still cant smile.
and the worst thing is, i cant concentrate in my revision..
how am i going to sit for tomorrow's exam..

im lost, totally lost..
even me myself also dunno what make me become like this..
i cant smile on my birthday, my big day.
haiz... watever... jus let it be.. bcoz no one cares...
ok. now i have to go study, before that, i wan to make a thank you list.


Thanks to my parent, they gave me angpau, at first my mum promised me that she will buy me a cake. but.... never mind la.. i can buy for myself n sing for myself after my exam..
Thanks to my 'gu ma', she make the delicious food for me.. although it was made last night.. but after reheat it still taste deliciously.. and thanks for the angpau too.
Thanks to my aunty, last sunday we was shopping at Jusco, she pay for all my cloths. there cost her RM50.
Thanks to my dear bin bin, he brought me a external harddisk during pc fair, for my bday present.. but last sunday he gave me a suprise, he brought me something from the World of Cartoons. Thanks my dear..
Thanks Mrs Yan, for the perfume..
Thanks Ceres, for the watch..
Thanks Oi Voon, for the stars..
Thanks Hui Min, for the small cake...
Thanks to my bro, my dad, my dear, Sue May, James, Hooi Ling, Festiny, Suet Ling, Jaya, Frankie, Pui Mun, Kah Yee, Pai Liang, Sherine, my student in sg way, Jordan, Pei Yee, Lee Choo, Helena, for the bday wishes...

Thanks to those i forgot to put up their names here..

Thank You so much..

sad-ing

Today is so bad mood..
finished a totally screwed up test paper. went home, took an apple n a pear, to be my very late lunch. after that hui min bring me a small cake.. she wish me happy birthday.. i was so happy on that moment.. someone remember my birthday... on this stressful exam period...

today supposed to have a very nice dinner.. my "gu ma" prepared a dish for me.. at first my dad promised to pick up that dish after work.. but last minute my dad doesnt wan to go to my "gu ma" house to take it.. reason is he say its late, he wan to take dinner, he dun wan waste time to go over to take the dish... tomorrow is my birthday.. today is my last day in 19th years old.. after tonight i no longer a small girl with an age begining with 1. cant he just make it for me. im angry. i refuse to go dinner with them. my mum scold me.. cant u jus think on your dad's perspective. i know.. im not a good girl. i always angry with my parent. is my problem. but they still love me very much. after that my mum brought me a fried mee hoon, then she said 'if u wan to eat then u eat, if u dun wan to eat, jus throw away.' i know she wan me to eat, jus she is angry coz i angry them. so she say that. i wont throw it away, bcoz that is the way they love me.

last time.. i cant really express my feeling on blog.. bcoz i scared ppl will laugh at me.. but now i dun worry anymore.. bcoz no one is reading it..

now is 9.48pm 28 april 2008.
another 2hours 12 minutes. i will say bye bye to my 19th, n welcome my 20th.
birthday.. should be happy..
but at this moment.. i cried...
first is.. im alone.. last time.. i have my parent with me.. but now im staying alone.. so.. im alone.. in this last 2 hours.
second.. i cant celebrate my bday cheerfully.. bcoz exam havent end!!!!! i have to study whole day on my birthday!!! so sad!!!
third... the next 2 years also have to celebrate my bday during exam period!!!!!! why why why!!!

update!

Its been so long i never update about myself..

em.. too long story to go..
so i will just skip it..


well, this is 13th week..
coming up is 14th week..
next is study week..
then the following will be my EXAM!!!!

opps... exam is coming..
and im not prepare anything yet!
please pray for me...
ask God to discipline me...
for man cannot rely on his own strength..
i will lost if i rely on my own mind to be discipline...

em.. next is the camp..
i hope i can bring my entire fellowship to the camp...
for them to learn more!
so that i can leave them without worry about them.. (im so bad!)
i will pray for it..

anything else??
i guess no..
but yet..
1 more thing...

bring me more CUSTOMERS!!!!

please...
and thanks...