To my dearest Brother

Dear Henri,

we have been knowing each other since year 2006, right? I still remember that we worked part time together, drive me to work and return from work everyday. last year, you even purposely come to digital mall just to help me choose a suitable laptop. many times when i need transport, you will never reject to fetch me even though i lived either at PJ or Seri Kembangan. I remember all your goodness to me brother, and i truly appreciate all these from you.

I have read your recent blog post, glad that you treat 4 of us as your important person in your life, so do I. do you remember? i addressed you all as my angels, my angels that God sent to protect me. you are important to everyone of us, so please dont think of leaving us just to make us remain together. this circle of friends are belonged together, i hope u do agree with me.

you walked through ups n downs with us personally, do allow us to walk with you too. we always support each other, thats what true friendship is, right?

I didn't cry for quite some time, but my tears drop when i read ur blog and my eyes are still wet when i am typing this. everyone has their hard times, many things in life is against us, against our will. there is a quote that encouraged me when im in my darkest period 'man's ending is God's beginning.' i hope you understand the meaning behind. all these hard times are to make us even more stronger, its the tool that God used to mold us.

Let go and let God.

we love you, very much. God loves you, even more than you could imagine.


your sister,
Amy

友

友谊需要时间和精力去建立和维持，并不是说来就来说走就走的。我明白每个人都有自己的情绪落差，可是不能因此而拒人于千里之外，令我实在心疼与失望。 朋友是在你身边陪你起起落落的人，并非你想要说话就说话，不想理就不理。也许你认为你能够自己承担一切，那就随你所愿吧！

眼看身边的人常常陷入无法自拔的状态，我实在无话可说。明明知道那是一条不归路，可是偏偏就是一直横冲直撞。你最重视的东西就是你的心所归属的地方，这是上帝说的。

不过，朋友就是要互相接受，我只会在背后默默地为你祷告。盼望有一天，你能醒悟过来，追求太多属世的东西，会令你在不知情的情况之下，慢慢变成你属世的主人。

我怎么了？

最近，总有一些些的冲动，想去学习如何再爱上一个人。

我发现自己其实已经准备好了。

不愉快的事情经过了两年的洗涤，其中的怨恨早已被冲淡了。其实，我已经不再恨他和她，一切都已成了定局，何必再怨恨呢？不想跟他们有任何的瓜葛，纯粹是不想要提醒自己曾经被如此地伤害过，所以才选择跟他们划清界限。

我曾经抚心自问，如此的冲动是不是为了要忘掉他。惊觉自己原来对他已没有依恋，不再心跳加速，不再把目光停留在他的身上。果然，要忘掉一个人，确实不容易啊！这个人，让我在过去的两年流了多少的眼泪，多少次的心绞痛。回忆起五年前我们为对方许下的承诺，我只会微微一笑，告诉自己，都过去了！一切都过去了。这个曾经让我如此爱恋的人，如今的他已不是我之前所爱的他，所以他所许下的承诺，已经随着旧的他一起死去了。

坚信祂已经为我准备了最好的，在最好的那一个还没有来到之前，我必须先装备自己，让自己在未来的日子可以成为一个称职的妻子。原来这两年的试炼是上帝陶造我的工具，好让我在今时今日可以对自己坦诚，并将荣耀归给祂。

祂给我一个成长的机会，如今的我终于明白了这一切背后的动机。这样，我才能够在这一刻，虔诚地祈祷，告诉上帝 - “我准备好了！”

埋藏

我想哭。
我想大大声地哭。

无法接受
面临崩溃

很讨厌
很讨厌12月

两年前的12月，我曾经是如此的伤心。
没想到，两年后的12月，又再发生让我伤心崩溃的事情。

从来没有想过会有这样的结果
满心期待的一天
竟然是我梦里的想象而已

都怪我
无端端干嘛去提出这样的建议
到最后
只是让自己心碎

已经打包好的行李
现在已经一无是处

为了这个旅程而辞职的我
显得非常的愚蠢愚昧
是我傻
满满的期待
换来
满满的心碎

怪不了别人
是我自己笨
是我自己让自己陷入经济困境
是我自己害自己天天被妈妈骂

我决定了
从今以后
我不会再提议任何的出游
不会再计划任何的旅程
安分守己
做自己的本分
安安定定过日子就好了

我对自己极度失望
从今以后
不再期待任何的事情了

无题

我从未有如此地忧虑过。

First step to a land

For those who dont know where i have been from 10th to 15th Nov,

im glad to let you know that, 

i've been to Chiang Rai for a short mission trip.

my church funded few churches in that area,

so this time, our trip has scheduled to visit 2 of it only.

one was Bandoi, another one Ruammit.

the very first time for me, Amy Pooi to step out of Malaysia.

YES, this is the first time.

i have never been to singapore or thailand eventhough they are so near to us.

so, this trip is the first time i go out from malaysia and sit on a plane.

first time sitting on a plane was really excited.

because that is the first time i can see the clouds so clearly and the blue blue sky.

after 3 hours flight from LCCT, we reached Chiang Mai airport.

upon check out, straight go into the van, starting of a 5 hours journey.

along the 5 hours journey, we drop by the hot spring at Chiang Rai for around 15 mins.

they all went to soak their feet in the hot spring, 

but i didnt, because i dont dare.  ><

first meal in Thailand, it was nice, but the portion is quite small.

this restaurant is just located along the road side when we are on our way to Bandoi,

above the restaurant has a small wooden house for people to visit.

thats why need to take off shoes before entering.

town area at Chiang Rai.

we went here to do many stuffs like photocopy some exercise for children program,

buy medicine for medical service, tidbits for kids, soap and towel as gift to the people.

Chiang Rai is consider an outskirt area in Thailand,

but yet they had FREE WIFI at the bus station.

malaysia, HAIZ..............................

this is the school beside the church in Bandoi.

morning they have kindergarden, teaching in chinese.

afternoon they have chinese school for all ages, 

from 5pm to 7pm (if i not mistaken),

so the kids will come to this school to learn chinese after their formal schooling hour.

so, these Ahka tribe learning Thai language in compulsory formal school,

they can also learn chinese in this school, but many of them didnt come and learn chinese.

this is the first program we did at Bandoi on the first day we reach Thailand.

some of them still dressed in school uniform because they just finish school,

then they straight away rush to the chinese school for chinese class.

left is the church, right is the school.

oh ya, we were staying in the school for the first 4 days.

This is another church, located at Ruammit,

30 mins journey from Bandoi. 

the decoration is for the thanksgiving day.

they are harvesting now, so they had thankgiving day during our visit.

the Ahka hymnbook is the book i read the most when i was in their church.

i cant stop myself from looking some songs that i know, 

and try to sing in their language.

arhh, its hard. their language is very hard to pronounce.

This is Sala Aju, Sala means 传道人.

my church funded him to study theology to become a 传道人.

he dont know chinese, but he can speak some simple english.

our lovely kids, we teach them to make a card for their parent during children programs.

some of them are really creative. very very creative.

enjoying the beauty of our nature.

God's creation.

FOOD!

first of all, their rice are superb!! 

sooooooooooo nice to eat..

but a bit scared of rice already after the trip.

because we ate rice for all 3 meals, 4 days.. =p

second, PORK!

we have pork on the table for every meal,

breakfast, lunch, dinner. NEVER FAIL.

but their pork is very different from what we ate in KL.

texture are a lot more nicer from KL.

one of the nice food i had during visitation.

this is made of rice, have to dip into brown sugar before eating.

NICE!

oh this cup, a very small cup.

its made of bamboo, HANDMADE and SELFMADE.

my fav picture in this trip.

activities and interactions with kids.

first night, we went to a pasar malam to have dinner. 

to try their local food.

eating banana in the morning after quite time.

WOW, for this pic, i felt the coldness when i saw this pic.

that night was around 14 degree C.

its was very cold for us because we all are wearing normal light jacket.

worse thing is that wind blown the whole evening till mid night.

during the wind blow, the temp was below 10 degree C.

everyone is shaking, white smoke came out from our mouth whenever we try to talk.

their traditional fashion.

the thing that they wore on their heads,

minimum 2 kg, and normal weight is 5 kg each.

one of our program for fellowship, 

we teach them sing a song called 一根蜡烛。

so we prepared candles for everyone, 

to be lighten up when we sing.

song presentation, im the female soloist, the doctor beside me is the male soloist.

last group picture before we leave Bandoi.

Bangkok here I come.

Nice cloud.

this is the hotel where we stayed, the tallest building in Bangkok.

182 people stacking up = tower's height

inside the hotel has lots of things to play with.

Mr. McD in Sawadika motion, with a lot of sand pack behind to prevent flood.

yes, i had BR when i was in Bangkok,

79 Baht for 1 scoop, Monday special free 1 scoop Vanilla.

50% of all the things that i have shopped.

most of it from NaRaYa, the shop is really nice, looks like those handbag shop in Pavilion.

i spent hundreds there. OPS!

Ok, i am sleepy already.

tomorrow i will continue to blog about the people i have met in this trip.

仰望天父的力量

这一首儿童诗歌，在我最烦燥的时候，缓缓地在我耳边响起。
仿佛，上帝在我耳边告诉我。
前面的道路全然交给祂，只要仰望天父的力量。

在那一刻，我的视线顿时模糊了。
是的，只要仰望祂的力量，因为在祂里面没有难成的事。

未来的路如何走，我真的一点头绪都没有。
不想再花时间做我不喜欢的事。
我喜欢教书，我享受在学生面前说话的感觉。
可是偏偏这一条路一点都不平坦。
我所计划的，1%都没有达成。

上帝，谢谢袮提醒我要仰望袮。

谢谢袮。

in the middle of the night

Its 3.30am now. I still not sleeping yet.

Done watching Fireproof, the very first time that i watch this alone. Previously, I watched it with him, and after so many years, I watched it again, the lessons I get is so much different compared to last time.

I cried, very badly.

at the same time, God told me the reason why my relationship failed.
its just simply because I will never know what love truly is, until I have God in my life.
neglect God is something i always do, but He never leave me, even I am on fire.

ok i shall go to bed and rest now, eyes are swollen after cried.

贴切

何谓贴切？
实为恰好也。

一首好久好久没有听到的歌曲，
竟然可以勾起我埋藏起来的回忆。
每一字，每一句，都如此贴切于我心情。

梁静茹的歌声，总是娓娓道出我的心情。
细腻，就如我那无法再承受刺激的心。
告诉自己，要勇敢去面对。
他，已经走进了别人的风景。
他，已经走得好远了，可是却又如此地靠近。
哎。

梁静茹的可惜不是你。

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你
陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权利关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你
陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

你知道吗？

其实。

我想你。
我很想你。
我非常想你。

我以为，我的心会被另外一个人牵走。
其实，我只是在给自己藉口，压抑自己。

原来啊！另一个人根本没有牵走我的心。
因为你还没有把我的心还给我。

这个晚上，我花了很多的时间去好好地看看我们的过去。
我没有哭。
真的没有。
两年半的日子，一直一直都在我身边的你。
勾起了很多的回忆，专属于你和我独有的回忆。
再多三个月，就是你离开我两年的纪念日了。
一步两脚印，在你离开我的日子，神一直一直都在我身旁陪伴我。
学习独立，学习不依赖你。
非学不可，因为已经没有我可以依赖的空间。
可是，我真的很想你。


我想说,我还爱你。我对你一直一直都没有变，也不知道什么时候才会变。:'(

祢

我妈妈最近又再开始发神经了。
我真的很想搬离这个家，离开这个令人烦恼的地方。

没有家人的支持，两边都缺少归属感。
上帝啊！祢到底要我怎样？


我知道，我始终亏欠了祢给我的恩赐。
我知道，我已经好久没有好好地用你给我的恩赐来唱一首赞美的诗歌。
我知道的。


我更知道的是我需要学习谦卑。
只有一个谦卑的人，才不会把自己的事和问题看得比其他事情还要重要。
人总要以神的事为先。


这并不简单，每时每刻放下自我来成就上帝的旨意。
不简单啊！

勇气

祂的羊群是我的动力;
总不能这样丢下就走。

神所托付的事情不能轻易撇下不管，
总要撑下去。
是的，总要靠祂撑下去。

告诉自己，还有半年而已。
加油！

明年的我，没有人知道。
只有祂。
只有祂知道。
所以，还是要加油！

可能离开的时机不是现在，
也许是未来，无人知晓啊！

可是我会继续走下去，
直到上帝让我看见祂所为我开另外一条路。

可以吗？

今天是一个不寻常的星期六。

4年来，第一次过这样的星期六。

一个人看戏，一个人吃东西，一个人逛街。

一个人而已。

很享受这样宁静的时间，一个人走走看看。

暂时抛开烦人的事情，令我伤心难过的人事物。

刚刚送了阿姨回家，我就打开收音机，听听那些好久没听的歌。

Who am I　在耳边响起。

听着听着，眼泪就缓缓地流下了。

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin, would look on me with love, and watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea, would call out through the rain, and calm the storm in me?

是的。

我是谁？神竟然顾念我。

Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours．

谢谢，我默默地感恩。

我不想要亏欠上帝给我的恩惠，所以更应该尽心尽力地去做神所托付给我的任务。

可是，转个弯想想。

当我决定重新踏入这个教会侍奉。

我就要准备面对很多很多的压力。

当大家都在谈论他们的婚事的时候，

当大家都在看请帖的时候，

当大家都在准备的时候，

当大家都在为他们高兴的时候，

我承受得住吗？

我可以面对吗？

我问自己。

我·祢·他

我知道，我让大家都失望了。

看见自己，我实在很讨厌我自己。
为何还要在乎？为何还要理会？为何还要被伤害？为何还要自取其辱？为何还要伤心难过？
其实，原因很简单。
我，还放不下他。
我欺骗我自己，制造假象，让自己相信，自己已经不再对他有任何感觉。
可是其实，他，还是会吸引 我的目光，得到我的注意力。

我知道我很傻，总是自取其辱。
搞到现在这样，使身边的人都替我担心。
我只能说对不起。
我高估了我自己，以为时间慢慢过去，就可以放下这一段破碎的感情。

其实，我真的很想逃离。
可是，有人提醒我，这里有我未完成的任务。
的确。
我曾在上帝面前起誓。
要尽我所能的去看顾祂的羊群。
我曾经众人面前立了这个约。
我不能因为这样的事情，而背叛这个约定。
背叛是无法补偿的。
如果我就这样背叛了我的誓言，将来回到家的时候，我该怎么向上帝交待？

神，就是如此的奇妙。
祂的时机，总是刚刚好，一秒也不会迟，也不会早。
总是不经意的出现，仿佛在告诉我。
别怕，我还在这里。
祂告诉我，我只不过是这个世界的旅客。
总有一天，我要回家的。
现在虽然很痛，心理上生理上的痛都会过去。
只有祂那永恒的应许不会逝去。

身边的人，都会在我需要的时候离我而去。
可是，只有祂，一直一直地提醒我，我还在这里。
谢谢祢，我只能说谢谢。
谢谢我唯一的神，唯一的主。
祢在我最不值得被爱的时候，告诉我祢还在，还没有放弃我。
可是我很惭愧，因为我还不能实践祢教导我的爱。
去爱那些不值得被爱的人，不值得原谅的人。


我的神是全能的神，世上没有祂不能完成的事。
所以，祢要我学习的功课。
总有一天。
总有那么一天。
祢必定能在我身上成就。

%@!&

我

讨

厌

你

们

非

常

讨

厌

讨

厌

讨

厌

!

never ever

both

of

you

will

never

get

my

blessing.


NEVER

EVER!

也许

好久没有下笔了。

讨厌这样的自己，不哭不笑，什么都做不到。
我很想大大声地哭，可是偏偏，眼泪一滴都流不出来。

面具带多了，真的会误以为是真的。
人群中强颜欢笑，是我在2010年学会的。
现在，学以致用。

朋友再多都是假的。
在你疲惫的时候，有谁空出个肩膀让你靠？
在你面对压力的时候，有谁愿意分担？
在你内心沉重的时候，有谁来听你说？

我很累，
我不像你们，有个幸福的家庭。
我就快没有家了。
你们知道吗？

我不像你们，每天有一大堆空闲的时间，可以做自己喜欢的事。
我每天东奔西跑，好久好久没有做我自己喜欢的事情了。
你们知道吗？

我不像你们，家里有兄弟姐妹。
我一直都过着孤独的生活，因此我需要这些所谓的朋友。
你们知道吗？

你们，不知道。

我本以为，你们会了解我。
可是，在我面临悬崖边界的时候，
离我而去的，却是我最重视的你们。

也许，我一直都不被重视。

也许吧！

选择

是打击么？

我想，撒旦早已虎视眈眈。

应该是选择吧！

而这一个选择是操控在你的手里。

我不在这个教会长大，在这里的时间也不算久。

不过，看见这样的事情，确实让我很心痛。

心痛的是，我在这里学了很多我从前学不到的。

经历了很多让我学习坚强的事。

我可以选择离开，那是一个极为简单容易的举动。

如果我选择看不起这样的事情，我只需要回头，回去我原来的地方。

在那里也一样，事奉同一位上帝，信靠同一位耶稣，得着同一位圣灵。

我何必让自己去面对这样的事情？

我当然有权力选择如此。

因为，神给我们选择的权力。

只是在于，我要不要做出这样的选择而已。

我觉得我不需要。

确实，有那么一刻，我感到深深的失望。

一个让我向前跨一大步的教会，竟然会发生这样的事情。

更失望的是，竟然绊倒了很多人。

最失望的是，大家只看见别人脸上的灰尘，忘了自己背上的一滩泥。

也许很多人会认为，还留下来做什么？

我告诉你，如果圣灵感动你的心，你会看见与别人看见的不同之处。

用心，去体会吧！

当这个世界结束时，这种种的事情都会显得特别愚蠢。

所以唯有定睛仰望十架，才能以爱来看这个世界。

Frus-tra-ted

Toooooo many things are just not on the right track!

Oh God, perhaps its is the result of being a gone-astray-sheep??
I should start picking up AGAIN.
Rightaway.

Yea, things are going bad when you put God aside and do things on your own strength.
and yea, I am that stupid girl.



I am tired.
Really tired.
I am sick of playing hide and seek with God.
Im so sorry Lord Jesus.
Thank You for still loving me as You always do.

I knew I have been using my pack-up schedule as excuse..
not anymore..
not anymore...

有感而发

“原来思念也可以很温馨”

是的。

偶尔的回想过去的点滴，
确实是很温馨。

感恩上帝让我曾经遇见你，
因为曾经遇见过你，
与你擦身而过之后，
才教会我什么是幸福。

经过你之后，
我曾经因为伤害太深，
自卑于自己曾经犯的罪，
所以觉得自己很不洁，
没有资格再让别人接受我的过去。

坦诚？隐瞒？假装？
哈哈哈，这些并无法改变些什么。

如果可以，
就让我一辈子单身吧！
如果祢允许。


都怪最近发生的事，
让我想了好多。
不过，
最后的结论是，
还是单身最好。

如果我可以。。。。

如果我可以这样，那就会更好了；
如果我当时那样，那就不一样了；
如果我这样那样，那就是最好了。

哈哈哈哈哈，我只能笑。




我没有很喜欢某个，也没有不喜欢某个。
我们只是很谈得来，一天可以谈上百个简讯。
一直以来我不曾去想过，可是当这样的事情发生之后。
我开始很认真地去想，某个在我心里的定位是什么。
结果是，我找不到结果。

唯一有头绪的事，我对某个谈不上喜欢，可是没有反感。
正是矛盾到了极点。

我很小心地告诉自己，千万千万不能为了要忘了这个而去记住那个。
但是，不管是这个还是那个也好。
如果不是神所喜悦的，多少个这个那个也没有用。=/







如果我可以按Delete键，那该多好啊！
把那一晚的事，心跳的感觉，内心的挣扎。
统统都删除掉。


那就好了。

另一个你

哈哈哈，我只想大大声地笑自己。

美丽的误会？我想，也许是吧。
一个醉酒后无意的举动。
竟然缠绕着我的心，好几天都不肯散去。

我承认，我有心跳加速的感觉。
我承认。

我曾经心动。

不过，我只能不断地提醒我自己。
现实并不允许。

当画面如被按了重播键般地一直不断重复。
我只能如此地提醒自己。
那并不是某种暗示。
也是什么明示。
它只是一个无意的动作。








我已经好久好久没有心跳的感觉。
请允许我贪婪地好好享受一番。
纵然那是没有结果。
就让我对自己自私一些。

So what?

last week, i send in my leave form for camp, when i hand it over to my superior, she just sign for me without asking anything. after she signed, i still need my department manager to sign and approve it.

so, this story starts on yesterday. monday morning, my department manager call me to go into his room. of course, i went in la! guess what he ask me?

he said, amy, what is this? i said its for church camp. then he said, you are the first person took leave when they are still in probation. i just answer him 'oh'. well, i dont care whether i am the first one or which ever it may be, its unpaid leave anyway, you are going to deduct my salary, so what? you think i am scared of your words?

so, he noticed that i doesnt care, so he continue his words. he said to me, do you know why last year got few people didnt get any bonus at all? i answered, dont know. then he reply, its because they took many mc and unpaid leave. now you are in probation, we need to value you by your performance. now you take leave when you are still in probation, do you know it will affect your performance and you might not get any bonus at the end of the year?

my answer was still the same 'oh'. after that, he just say, this time i let you thru, but be careful if you have next time. so, i replied, ok thanks. then walked off.......

............................... i was like = =''''! he is trying to threaten me by using bonus and so called performance. well, i just want to say that, i dont care. i dont need your bonus to survive, my God is Jehovah Jireh, He will provide what i need. so, dont hope for threatening me with money will make me change my mind. i can tell you, i serve God, not money.

Its a lie

Its been months since i used english to express myself. =p


I tried my best to avoid myself updating blog when i having moody mood, so that i wont simply say things that i am not suppose to say. but, how? its simple, just click the X after i click the 'new post'.

seriously, i am actually down for a few days. especially when come to this extend that i need to mentor my members on BGR while i myself are in such condition. my mind started to fight like having a war since last saturday, when David annouce next 2 weeks P1 will be on BGR topic. a lot of things came in my mind, and they troubling me for many days.

i was wondering, what should i share during mentor? i did not set a good example for them in this topic, what should i tell them? how am i suppose to answer their questions when i myself failed in this topic? who am i to tell them to act in love while i myself hating them who betrayed me? should i tell them what should they do while i failed in doing it?

when i start to question myself, memories came back. my mind keep flashing back everything, happy sad joy sorrow etc etc. tuesday evening, when i am on my way home, i heard a song where i loved the most. that song were randomly played by my modulator, its 'can i have this dance' from high school musical 3. just when it reached the chorus, my tears started to drop. why? its because my mind flashed back an incident just happened on 4 months ago. after that, my tear drop even more when i recall what Kayson told me during the time when i share with him about that incident. Kayson said, its a lie.

Throughout the song, this phase 'its a lie' kept repeating again and again. at that point of time, i just take out my phone, and i started to search for Kayson's name, i was so so so tempted to call him and cry out my stress. but, somehow, i did not make that call, because i know, i shouldnt pull other people into my own problem.

sigh, my heart told me to run, run away to set myself free from all these chains.



God, what's on your mind?

逃避

我想逃。

可以吗？




接下来的两个星期六，我可以逃离案发现场吗？

我很累，我不想再逼自己去面对。

我讨厌看到我不想看见的画面。
我讨厌你，讨厌你们。



允许我离开，可以吗？

又怎样?

心

酸

如此的朋友，要不要也罢。

I · H · M · F · L · A · Y

I.

Hate.

Myself.

For.

Looking.

At.

You.

休 · 暂

终于。


暂时喘口气。



我知道我的性格很火爆。
如果你懂我，
你们会发觉，
我会站起来捍卫我认为正确的事情。

结果，架-吵了，脸-翻了。

我相信，你知道我生气了。


可是，我学习尊重，尊重代表把自我挪开。
所以我选择静静地离开，因为我尊重你，也尊重我们的友情。

无声

我觉得很累。

上帝啊！
请你快快让我完成你要我在这世界上的工作，
然后快快带我走吧！

这个世界越来越黑暗，
人们都爱盲目地追随不会长久的东西。

我倦了。

厌倦把委屈往肚里塞，
厌倦这一些些的制度，
厌倦这个世界。

悲哀

有一段时间没有写东西了，主要是因为最近发生很多事情，情绪起起伏伏，写不出什么好东西。


近来，发现身边的人，很多都活在一个自我幻想的世界里面，实在是悲哀啊！

回头想想，我自己也曾经如此的悲哀，活在自己想要拥有的世界里面。幻想着这是最美好的，把一些不会成真的东西看得比自己还重要。

空虚的空虚，一切都是空虚，这是所罗门王说的。他拥有一切他想要的东西，可是到最后，他发现，这一切都是空虚的。

一人不能侍候两个主人，它其实不只是指金钱，其实是在说我们个人所认为的完美世界或你所认定的人生中心点。

因此，人啊！定睛仰望十架吧！十架上的宝血可以帮助你把你自己所创造的世界丢掉，然后把你人生的目的专注在十架上。

Unacceptable

Unacceptable facts has been revealed to me recently.

I found out that all these while i was been deceived by the satan, but I still want to give thanks to the Lord that He prepared me mentally before He reveal the truth to me. if i knew it years ago, i might already commit suicide.

but, by His grace and mercy, He sustained me throughout the years. day by day He mould me, He trained me, He thought me, He guided me, He prepared me for this unacceptable event. He prepared me for it.

He knows everything.

again, i sincerely pray that God will carry me to walk this path of sorrow and pain with me. He loves me eventhough i am not worthy at all. His love is everlasting, powerful over all other things. have faith! i told myself.